Without You

No matter where I go, everything seems incomplete without You.
It is your absence that constantly weighs my heart down.

Without You, a sadness has crept into my heart again. Without You,  a loneliness has filled my soul again. These days, I no more recognize myself just like I don’t recognize the world around me. For hours I’m in an anonymous world, thinking of you, of what I was, when I was with you. An unknown happiness had accompanied my heart.  Without You, it is gone too.

It’s strange to feel the way I do. In the past, you never existed for me and I had still lived without You. Why does it seem so difficult now when you’re not around anymore?

At work, I want to be at home. At home, I want to be at work.

Wherever I go, I feel I don’t belong there and I want to be somewhere else. But where?

There is this incessant feeling to be left alone and unwatched. I keep stealing moments when I am overwhelmed with thoughts. And all such inexplicable moments make me realize what it means to be with you, to have you by my side and I wish for the umpteenth time that you were here right with me.

I know it sounds asinine, all of it, but that’s exactly how life is without you – EMPTY. LIFELESS. DEAD. Quite often, I think that maybe, just maybe, if only I knew what future held in its palms for me, I could’ve brought  myself to accept it. These minutes. These moments. Without You.

But the question is –

Would it have mattered less?
Would it have bothered me less?
Would it have pained me less?

No, I don’t think so. It’d still be excruciatingly painful to watch you go.
To cope up with your absence. To live each minute without you.

-Asha Seth