Just Half A Step Back…

Today. I walked and walked.
And never stopped.
Although, my legs hurt I didn’t slow down.
There was a need.
Not a sudden one.
One that has been building up.
All these years.
All these days.
All these hours.
Spent with thoughts of you.

I do not know why. But today, I just couldn’t stop myself.
From thinking. From wishing.
That I had you by my side.
That I walked next to you.
Measuring my steps with yours.
Linking my little finger with yours.
Staying close to you. Feeling the way I do.
In a world. Just Me & You.

Yes, so I am dreaming again.
And I know its not possible.
And there’s a weird hollowness. A painful sickness.
And I feel sorry for myself as I cannot even
tell you how I feel right now.
Because I know what you’d say.
Just like you’d said then.
“Please don’t say that. We’re FRIENDS.
Just Friends. Nothing more.”
And I know what that means.
Bury your feelings deep inside.
Deep from where they cannot come back.

And I have done that once.
And I have struggled to live with it.
To move on.
Accepting what you meant when you’d said.
“Just Friends, is what we are.”
And yes, I know what it means. Just like I knew then.
To keep longing for you.

But even after all these years.
I’ve always dreamt to be with you.
A dream that might never come true.
Can I ever tell you this? That I want to be with you.
Every minute of every day. Till I live.
But it breaks my heart to see that it is just a dream.
One of my vague dreams. Nothing more.

That day is still fresh in my mind.
I remember looking into your eyes when
I confessed how I felt about you.
A look I’ll always remember.

Your smile had faded by just a bit.
The gleam in your eyes faded by just a bit.
And you took half a step back.
Just Half a Step Back.. Suddenly!

Creating a distance between us.
To get away from me.
And it hurt. It hurt like shit.
But had I known how much distant
you were going to get with that half a step?

And Yes, I’d merely stared when you’d said that.
Merely nodded. Yes, I did.
But I wanted you to see. And how could you not?
That I’d hummed a low agreement because
I didn’t want to see you go.
But you did!

Asha Seth