Not-so-Tender Tidings

August arrived in a frenzy but disappeared unnoticed. Just like the whole of 2020 mostly will. More on 2020 later though. It isn’t always I’m derailed from routine. But at times, it isn’t even under my own control. And no matter how natural that is, it is unnerving. Mostly because, there’s always so much to read or write, or travel or talk. And suddenly there’s a breaker that puts a halt on everything.

The C virus has done that to most of us. Plans halted. Dreams postponed. Hopes confined. I always wait for August; it being my birthday month. So I waited this year too. No, I did not have grand plans. No out-of-the-way surprises, none. Just the fact that it has something different from the other months, gets me excited. Just like how December has Christmas and June brings Monsoons.

This August however, was way different. I wasn’t prepared for it. Guess we are never prepared to lose loved ones; although, in our hearts we know that it is inevitable. It is coming, and will get us in the end, and yet, we live in utter denial. So when two elders from our family lost life’s battle to C, it ripped us to pieces. The day met dead end. And everything came to a standstill. Temporarily.

Dad’s uncle and aunt passed away in a matter of three days. What one week did to me and my family, the whole year couldn’t. Consequently, a lot had to be done and taken care of, and none of that included the normal things. I couldn’t find the courage. But more than courage, it was the loss of will to carry on. It was like being dumped in a pit, and I didn’t want to come out of it.

Days dragged and nights were lost in depression. Having lost four loved ones this year, there is hardly any hope I could pump my blood with. The heart’s in a dungeon, blind and lost to despair. Everywhere around is just a gloomy blanket. And that’s when I realised – everything we learn and ever will, we never really learn to adjust to the loss of loved ones.

It is a couple of weeks now we lost our beloved. But the grief is fresh still. I feel for everyone who lost their friends, family, to this horrible situation. My prayers are with them and their family. I hope they find the courage to deal with this dark night that caught them unawares. In time, we’ll learn to live with it, with those empty spaces, with the periodic breaks in thoughts when we miss them.

August is thus, gone. September is here, and I have resolved to pursue the mundane. Even find joy in this monotony. Books will get out of slumber and dried pens will be revived with fresh ideas. As for you, my friend, I ask for patience. I have missed you. But I won’t have you missing the writing you have come to love these years. I appreciate your humble support. Thank you. Be safe. Hugs!


Asha Seth