This past year has been one of amends. One I am partially proud of. One you’d never be proud of. Drastic changes always had you in knots. But that’s what life has been all about lately. Am I sad all this is happening? No. Am I happy? No. But that’s for best sometimes!
I thought about it for the longest time. What would you say had you been around? I know you would’ve stopped talking to me altogether. The few calls we had would’ve died too. Even my name would be an ear-sore for months. You would make excuses to not see me, and avoid me as much as you could. I know all this. Because I knew you too well. Because you knew me better yet.
My ways are not for this world, and yet we are here to stay. Your motto. My ways are not for this world, and yet I’m rooting for a change. My motto. I don’t think I ever enjoyed challenging typical mindsets with anyone other than you. You’d get upset to the point of being furious. You’d drive me mad with your words and we’d have heated rows. Eventually, you’d give up or I’d cave in and cold days followed. Did I enjoy it? No. Did I feel content? Yes.
More often, of late, I’ve been thinking about disappearing. Just like you did. Gone with the wind. You had no choice, but leave. I wonder what I can do with mine. Do we ever have a choice? I don’t think you can look back at things, and say, oh, I wish I had changed this. That chance long been snatched from you. What can I do, however, that I still have mine? But the more important question looking me in the face is – will I be proud of attempting that one final act of courage? or cowardice? I don’t know. Never will.
This is why I miss you right now. Thinking incessantly about what would you say. Hang on or let loose? What would you suggest? And what would your verdict be if I had to spring it on you as a much unexpected surprise? I am plagued by these thoughts, day and night. I pray for you to show up in my dreams one of these nights. Then you’ll probably talk to me tell me that you’ve read my thoughts, because you too house in my head. Perhaps, you’ll listen to me this once, patiently, not just hearing me out but understanding me. Maybe this once, we shall burn down those narrow bridges that suffocated us and build a new one that we shall cross together, to the realm of sanity.
P.S.: Dad, I found your diary, the one you’d wanted to burn. I know that was your wish. I’m sorry but I can’t.
This is so well written and I loved hearing your musings and the surprise of it being your dad at the end.
I wouldn’t be able to burn the diary either. Thanks for the follow. I’m now following you!
Thanks for stopping by, Cindy. Somethings are way too precious to let go.
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You’re so welcome Asha!
Yes, so true!💕❤️
I am alarmed by your thoughts, to be alive is the greatest gift, not to be wasted on looking into our navel! Look to the stars and at the beautiful world, and wonder. You are preoccupied with yourself, devote your time to others, especially those who need your help. I hope you don’t think it all sounds like a sermon, because it is the fundamental truth. Those who look outside their soul are happy people and their lives are worthwhile.
Please, if you have time look up my posts about the inventions, it is about the people consumed by a passion to discover and make the world
a better place.
Thanks for your kind words, Joanna. The end here means a lot of other things to me, and not the ultimate end. I believe in fighting the odds and living the day. I intend to keep doing that. I am, however, touched to have such caring sentiments and that may have just made my day better today. I shall look up your posts anyway. Loads of love, Asha.
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