poem164: i write because…

i wait for the clouds to turn grey

there’s a certain solace

in knowing

my heart isn’t wallowing alone in loneliness

that there’s a part of the universe

that feels me, feeds me, frees me

the sun’s always happier

some days more

when my mind’s sore

from the frantic attempts

to keep your memories close

how does it not lose the shine?

if i had been going on for ages

i’d soon be insipid and mired

i look as the trams pass by

there is a haze that blurs my sight

and when i look back at my diary

i fill it with sketches than poems

it’s better this way, you know

to be a fanatic not found

and even if you don’t smell the flowers

or don’t think of me when you look at the stars

if you don’t miss me with every beat of your heart

or don’t scribble my name with yours

i’d still be okay

because this way

i won’t need to look for a different universe

to cast my feelings into

to let go of my love for you

i write because it’s better this way

because then i know

that my love won’t be shot down

or my heart tossed around

this way, i keep away from bouts of grief

be the safest as i can be

and if you ever happen to read my poems

know that –

just your name started fireworks in my heart

just the thought of you aroused a million sparks

know that –

upon every tide,

i prayed that the waves,

would whisper love ballads to you,

every dusk and dawn

know that –

i begged the winds

to keep you safe

from all things arduous and wrong