Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing
Summary
“Hi, my name is Matthew, although you may know me by another name. My friends call me Matty. And I should be dead.”
So begins the riveting story of acclaimed actor Matthew Perry, taking us along on his journey from childhood ambition to fame to addiction and recovery in the aftermath of a life-threatening health scare. Before the frequent hospital visits and stints in rehab, there was five-year-old Matthew, who traveled from Montreal to Los Angeles, shuffling between his separated parents; fourteen-year-old Matthew, who was a nationally ranked tennis star in Canada; twenty-four-year-old Matthew, who nabbed a coveted role as a lead cast member on the talked-about pilot then called Friends Like Us. . . and so much more.
Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing is an unforgettable memoir that is both intimate and eye-opening—as well as a hand extended to anyone struggling with sobriety. Unflinchingly honest, moving, and uproariously funny, this is the book fans have been waiting for.
Introduction
Written by the late Mathew Perry himself, ‘Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing’ is the memoir of the author chronicling his life, allowing readers to closely know the person best known for playing the sarcastic-yet-charming Chandler Bing on the iconic sitcom ‘Friends.’ Published a year before Perry’s passing in 2023, this book delves into the secrets, answers, and untold stories of the actor’s life. More importantly, Perry lets us peek into the darker side of his life, narrating his long and arduous battle with addiction. Matthew Perry lays bare the fractured family that raised him, the desire for recognition that drove him to fame, and the void inside him that could not be filled even by his greatest dreams coming true.
Writing & Content
While the content of the book is moving and introspective on the whole, the writing is where this books was a big disappointment for the sheer volume of redundancy; and that becomes evident right in the first few pages itself. The book is not presented as a linear timeline but unfolds in a series of vivid snapshots, flitting erratically between various stages of Perry’s life, and that makes it hard to keep up with the prose, also making it boringly repetitive. The book covers all important aspects of Perry’s life – a dysfunctional childhood, wayward adulthood, his career opportunities; both grabbed and lost, his apathetic relationships, struggles with alcoholism, and not to forget – his meteoric rise to fame through the famous sitcom ‘Friends.’ While the book’s true focus lies in the ever-present labyrinth of Perry’s addiction which altered his life and choices for the worst, it also sheds light on his long haul juggling life between addiction and sobriety.
Perry delves into the depths of his struggles, detailing his descent into alcoholism and drug abuse, fueled by anxiety and insecurities, with great details. We witness his relapses, stints in rehab, and near-death experiences, all narrated with rare honesty. The memoir also reveals Perry’s lovers and frequent relationships with women. His childhood traumas because of his parents’ divorce and lack of family support, all come back to his adult life in distorted ways. While glimpses of Chandler’s wit flicker throughout, the narrative is far from humorous. And although it does help one understand the arduous battle those suffering from addiction face continually, it fails to put him in the right light as the book brims with condescension, pomposity, indifference, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg. As such, one can’t fail to notice that the book does more damage to his image than build it. That said, Perry isn’t the one who’s at fault here, but his team of editors surely is. How could they miss the basics, one wonders!
“I would give up all the money, all the fame, all the stuff, to live in a rent-controlled apartment—I’d trade being worried about money all the time to not have this disease, this addiction.”
Language & Style
Like Chandler Bing, who relies on humor to cope, Perry too reflects that in his writing style but with a tad unpleasant outlook. The language has hints of self-pity in more chapters than one, and makes you think if Perry could’ve done better with the writing approach. Although his voice is raw and candid, the ceaseless revisiting of his sober and caving-in instances has a monotonous flavor to it that would quickly put the reader off. His confessions raw and intense, don’t leave the impact that they intend to. And even though Perry doesn’t romanticize any of it, he does come out as tad egotistic which may leave one flabbergasted because that’s not the person we believed he was in real life. One can only hope that it’s truly just the aftermath of a badly edited book and not the author’s true nature. The biggest turn-off of this book is perhaps, it’s writing and language itself.
“If I had to do it all over again, would I still audition for Friends? You bet your ass I would. Would I drink again? You bet your ass I would. If I didn’t have alcohol to soothe my nerves and help me have fun, I would have leaped off a tall building sometime in my twenties.”
Engageability
While Perry is the narrator of his story, we meet multiple people, friends, and family, essentially the supporting cast, all of which plays a crucial role in shaping the narrative. We meet his parents, who could not fully grasp his inner turmoil. His on-screen “Friends” – Jennifer Aniston, Matt LeBlanc, Courtney Cox, and Lisa Kudrow, became more than just co-stars. They become his anchors of support. Lisa Kudrow, specifically emerges as a pillar of compassion and empathy. But the most impactful characters are the invisible ones: the addictions themselves. Perry personifies them as sly companions, seductive yet destructive, their presence dominant throughout the book. The detailed lens on his life on FRIENDS was perhaps the most engaging bit because of the show’s popularity. He even mentions women he’s dated and how all of his relationships ended up being tragedies because of his addiction and indifference to them, in general. This he regrets greatly in the respective chapters.
“I sometimes do want to tell God to go fuck himself for making my road so hard.”
The narrative takes us through the uncomfortable dynamics of Perry’s childhood home to the glamorous but isolating Hollywood lifestyle. The luxurious confines of rehabilitation centers he frequented become another recurring backdrop, contrasting starkly with the dirt and grime of drug dens and haunting hospital rooms. One does get a view of the life of those suffering from addiction issues, but this book doesn’t dig a hole into your heart with his half-baked attempts at getting sober perpetually, giving up at the slightest trigger, and blaming everyone around him for things that happened to him. It appears like a teenager’s whine than a witty account of a grown-up adult, who’s seen the ups and downs of life. With someone like Perry who comes with fair chances of opportunities and a vast bandwidth of experiences, you expect a lot more than just general dissing of people, places, and things. The only saving streak for a reader is the fact that Perry does make generous efforts at helping those who had their lives ruined by addiction.
Final Verdict
“Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing” is a moving memoir about the struggle to be happy in the face of fame while also dealing with drug and alcohol addiction by one of the most-loved actors and comedians of our time. The memoir is a journey, not a linear one, but one with several ups and downs, and Mathew Perry did try his best to cope with ‘The Big Terrible Thing’ as best as he could, and the reader’s heart does go out to him for his adversities. That said, the memoir leaves one surprised but not satiated, for the true account of Perry’s condition comes full-blown to the reader and it’s a heartbreaking one, but laden with shortcomings when it comes to writing, editing, language, and overall approach. With a keen eye to detail and editing, this memoir could have been notches higher and left Perry’s fans and readers feeling more sympathetic and less agitated with the revelations thus bared.
Read this book to glimpse into behind-the-scenes of Mathew Perry’s life, read this book to unearth the life and world of the addiction-afflicted, but most importantly read this memoir to know that Mathew Perry was not Chandler and yet there couldn’t be a Chandler without Mathew Perry!
Author Profile
Matthew Perry was an American-Canadian actor, comedian and producer. He gained international recognition in the 1990s for playing Chandler Bing on the NBC television sitcom Friends (1994–2004), and earned a Screen Actors Guild Award for the role.
Have you read ‘Friends, Lovers, and the Big Terrible Thing’? What did you think?
