The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck: A Counterintuitive Approach to Living a Good Life
Summary
For decades, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, rich life. “F**k positivity,” Mark Manson says. “Let’s be honest, shit is f**ked and we have to live with it.” In his wildly popular Internet blog, Manson doesn’t sugarcoat or equivocate. He tells it like it is—a dose of raw, refreshing, honest truth that is sorely lacking today. The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k is his antidote to the coddling, let’s-all-feel-good mindset that has infected modern society and spoiled a generation, rewarding them with gold medals just for showing up.
Introduction
Mark Manson’s ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck’ entered the self-help scene in 2016, offering an honest and irreverent take on personal growth. It originally started as a blog post by Manson in 2015. The post gained significant traction and eventually formed the basis for his best-selling book of the same name. Unlike the usual self-help books which are built on sentimental affirmations and unrealistic goal-setting, Manson delivers an alternative approach, arguing that happiness stems not from chasing positivity, but from accepting our limitations and choosing our “f*cks” (used prominently throughout) wisely. But is it truly a book that will help its readers break through the set mental or philosophical norms? Let’s discuss, shall we?
Writing & Research
A book that originally started out as a regular blog post that hooked readers world-wide for its self-help tips and personal growth notions, there’s no traditional plot or flow in this book therefore. Instead, Manson uses personal anecdotes, historical references, and pop culture mashups to illustrate his core themes. At its core, Manson talks about recognising what’s truly important to you and letting go of things that are of no or zero value to your life. He tackles societal pressures, existential anxieties, relationships, failure, and death with a humorous style that will keep readers engaged. Each chapter delves into a specific aspect of “not giving a f*ck,” like embracing struggle, valuing experiences over possessions, and accepting responsibility for your happiness. But while these talk at great length about why one must not do a certain thing, it would have made much more sense to include pointers as to how to do it. That made most of the book look vague with just too many sermons to remember and follow. See this quote for example:
“We suffer for the simple reason that suffering is biologically useful. It is nature’s preferred agent for inspiring change. We have evolved to always live with a certain degree of dissatisfaction and insecurity, because it’s the mildly dissatisfied and insecure creature that’s going to do the most work to innovate and survive.”
Now, having an alternative to how to deal with suffering would have added much more depth of the talk, I feel.
Setting everything aside my problems with the book started when the author glorifies his self-limiting mindset trying to normalise that it’s okay to not push oneself to achieve something but accept it as one’s final capability and try something else instead. Is he asking that you quit every time you face a hurdle? Acknowledging failures is fine, but giving up – that’s a NO. Now imagine if the world started thinking like that; there would never be a Messi or Einstein or Curie!
Language & Style
Manson’s voice is witty albeit sarcastic, like a friend hitting you with reality checks and unconventional wisdom, especially at times when you’d rather expect them to be patient and impart some real-life wisdom. He does share his own failures and anxieties, that helps build authenticity, but in the overall panorama of the book, that’s lost too. So, yes, his experiential anecdotes will have you nodding to certain parts reflecting on your own journey but a big part of you will be left asking, “so then how do I deal with it?” And then there are parts that felt absurd, for example this:
“The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.”
As expected from it’s title, readers can expect profanity, lots of it, which starts to feel jarring. Is it in order to look cool or just to stand out? Who knows! But guess that works well in this case given the audience for this book really is today’s youth, and they might find it matching to their language standards. Good part about the language though – he avoids the typical self-help jargons, cliched goal setting approach, and over-the-top introspection – thus eliminating the element of boredom. His style feels fresh and fair for it began as an online journal and then published as a book, so leaves out most of the general patterns and flows that self-help books adopt. Having said that, the content per se doesn’t spark a fresh feel because there isn’t anything new or unheard of; most of the self-help books out there are talking the same talk! It’s a good one-time read if one wants to make pointers for their pinboards, in the long run however, readers will see less and less of it sticking to their conscience.
Final Verdict
‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’ is not your typical self-help book. While it may not offer concrete steps to achieve happiness, it compels readers to do something entirely different — confront their own anxieties, redefine their values, and choose what truly matters in their lives. It’s a considerably good read as a wake up call, don’t set too many expectations, and you’ll be just fine. Also, when you get into this book, take your brain along, be mentally present to be able to distinguish the parts that are constructive and those that are not. All in all, with Manson’s guide, readers will learnt to identify their problems, accept challenges, and gain few pearls of wisdom on having healthier relationships.
Author Profile
Mark Manson (born 1984) is a professional blogger, entrepreneur, and former dating coach. Since 2007, he’s been helping people with their emotional and relationship problems. He has worked with thousands of people from over 30 different countries.
Have you read ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck’? What did you think?
