You held my hand as I walked ahead of you. You trudged along. The dried leaves, tangled mass of branches, scattered everywhere. The leaves crunched beneath my feet reminding me just how much I love autumn. Sunlight crept in through the dense mass of leaves and branches overhead. I looked up, above me, loving the feel of the not-so-harsh rays of sun falling on my face, mildly warm and so comforting.
I looked back at you and saw you glancing on your right. Jealous as I get to what’s caught your interest in the woods, I tickled your palm slightly, just so much to have your attention back. You glanced at me, but I could say you were lost in thoughts. We walked on… Your grip loosened again and your fingers slowly slid away falling to your side.
“What if we are lost?” I asked to keep you, from whatever was distracting you. You took your time to answer like you always do. And I waited for several more seconds like I always do. The quietness amplified with every second. You must be lost in thoughts I’d assumed without realizing it was actually me who was lost all this while.
The sound of your footsteps following me had long died, but did I notice that? I’d tugged at a twig, dangling from a branch, almost stumbling. Gaining balance, I’d asked again, a little louder, this time. “Baby, what if we are lost, here, in these woods? What shall we do?” A little play in my voice, to tease you like I always did.
I’d heard a bird cry, in the far distance. It had sent chills down my spine. Was this the first cry that even registered with me or was I just…? I’d taken a turn about the tree, next to me. Holding on to its bark, dead, scathing. A twig pricked my finger and it immediately started to bleed. Putting it to my mouth, I came around the tree. The prick hadn’t hurt till then, but the pain came down on me as an avalanche just the next minute.
Blood drained out of my skin and eyes couldn’t see clearer anymore. You weren’t there. Just vanished into thin air.
Where were you?
Where were you? Panic was starting to set in. It was no more a joke. Please come back!
Teasing me? Like I was teasing you minutes ago. You always played this game. Hide n seek. Only so you could come around me and hug me from the back. Startling me. But this was no play.
I scanned the near distance. Upon not finding you, I felt weak in the knees. My heart raced one instant, now it was struggling to breathe. Tracing steps back, I kept calling out your name, over and over again. First with worry, which was soon replaced by fear, then desperation, and then madness.
Where were you?
I tried to remember exactly when I stopped catching up with your footsteps. I couldn’t remember. How stupid? How irresponsible silly girl? I ran dodging the tangles, the dead trees. Not a bird in sight, not a soul. Where were you? My heart cried. Worried and cursing you, for if this was a prank, I’d make you pay well.
The woods that thus far seemed just one long road now appeared to have dense routes. Where did we come from? Which way do I take first? Tears came down, rushed, unstoppable, adamant. What am I to do? Where am I to go, with you lost and not a person in sight? Every turn seemed to deceive me, every tree another lost hope. Even trees started to thin out and yet no sight of you. Over the strewn logs, I’d sat and cried.
A vast expanse the woods were, and you but just a grain of sand. What was I to do? Where do I find you now? And how? The sun had started to set. Bereaving me of my last hope. Darkness it was all around, just like the darkness in life without you. Years it took before I’d found you. Years it’d take more. Helpless. Hopeless. Turning around the corner, I kept waiting for you at your grave.
**********
Asha Seth